I am above the powers that govern the human race. I don’t trust a man who doesn’t drink. A woman’s place is at home in the kitchen. I go to church on Sundays to that I may repent for my behavior during the week. It’s great to me, especially since I have you to validate me and enable me to continually play the fool. I will never grow up. Thank you for being my wife and my mother all at the same time. For the bottle you feed me, is the poison I drink.
Men have a hard time growing up, especially the alcoholic man. Early on, alcoholic men find they have deep seated insecurities that fuel the fire of great ambition. As time passes these insecurities become fermented deep down in the soul, as alcohol continued to magnify the imagination. The quest to reach illusionary heights of which most certainly will bring great joy and happiness, the quest continues with no end in sight. For that which these men seek does not exist. It cannot possibly exist. The fermented insecurities prevent the deep gratifying satisfaction they so desperately seek.
Although a series of victories are most always present, the brief enjoyment is always followed by the inferiority complex that tells them “anyone could have done that.” And so the quest continues, the constant need to fire up the imagination which is only accomplished by a little something poured over the rocks.
To the outside world the alcoholic man appears confident and sure of himself. He is king to all those around him, but to those close to him, in particular his wife; she has taken on the task of bearing the brunt of his verbal assaults and emotional abuse. The man she married has become her child. She takes care of him, lies for him, all the while hoping against hope that the drinking will stop once his outside goals are met.
As time goes on, excuses are commonplace and, although there are moments of joy produced by the alcoholic, this subtle manipulation lures the one he loves back into the trap that promises change and better tomorrows. With no one really to confide in, wives take on the role of mother. As they cook, clean and boost his ego they find purpose in their lost identity as visions of change dance through the mind.
As the alcoholic’s fermented insecurities infiltrate the wife’s soul, the enmeshment is complete and enabling is inevitable. Mark and Ted were buddies at work; salesmen at a fairly large corporation. Highly competitive, their quest to be the best led to long days and even longer nights. Both were married but never really got together socially. Mark knew about Ted’s wife, Lori, and Ted was aware of Mark’s wife April. Two couples, both in their late 30′s, having similar problems at home, all produced by alcohol.
Mark and Ted won a company contest which would take both couples to Hawaii. Mark went home to tell April the joyful news, while Ted phoned Lori from the office. Now both women really didn’t know one another, much less the hell they were both enduring being married to alcoholics. Naturally both women agreed to go, thinking this may be the break their husbands needed. This trip could restore their marriage. April had Mark promise he would not embarrass her with his drinking. Ted promised Lori he wouldn’t even touch a drop.
Chapter 5 – Part 2 Coming Soon…
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