Don’t change. Please don’t change. Just stay as you are. I need you to stay the same. I’m going to try to change. I’m never going to do that again. I’m going to cut back, maybe even stop. Just don’t change, okay?… Good, now that I know you’re not going to change, I don’t have to change. Whew! That was close. Alcohol is my friend and you, you are my fool. You’ll never change.
Someone wrote procrastination is a thief of time. With regard to addiction, procrastination leads to tragedy and death. There is not time to spare when the one you love is self-destructing before your eyes. I like this one, I hear this a lot: “I tried AA or he tried AA and hated it, those people are much worse off.” Or how about this one: “He went to rehab once, I mean there were people there who use heroin…he just couldn’t relate.”
Why Make Excuses In Addiction?
I have heard more excuses about how one tried and how it didn’t work and why it will never work. Excuses come from people who have so much fear inside them, they are frightened to death and very convincingly tell you they’re not and why they’re not. Stop believing excuses. There are no excuses. When one tries, there’s always a result.
Change is difficult for anyone much less an alcoholic or addict. To them change seems impossible. Fear blocks the possibility of change. Fear blocks the enabler from putting into motion the very things that could not only change their life, but also the life of who they love.
Interventions are a very successful approach to the addiction problem. Professional intervention can be expensive, although there are many that are reasonably priced. If you can afford a professional interventionist, then by all means, hire them. The investment will be well worth every penny. By bringing in a professional, you bring in an unbiased third party; someone who is not emotionally involved and can be objective. They are a facilitator, which allows all to speak and all to be heard.
Steps For An Intervention
The basis of an intervention is relatively easy or so it seems – Gathering together family and close friends, each writes a letter addressing their concern and expressing their love for the person being intervened upon. Usually, after the first few letters are read, the addict agrees to go to treatment. In advance of the intervention a treatment center must be chosen, paid for, and detox services arranged. When the addict agrees, the interventionist takes them to treatment.
Some interventions do not go that way. At times, after the letters mentioned above are read without the desired result, families must be prepared to issue a bottom line. A bottom line is not a statement of threat. It is a factual statement of truth that contains a consequence, should they forego the gift being offered. You must be prepared to follow through with your bottom line. The addict is betting you won’t, hoping you will cave in and once again see things their way.
Everyone involved must agree and be on board with the decision of going through with the intervention process, lest you lose your opportunity to save the addict’s life. You must shore up all weak links. By that I mean anyone who may decide, “perhaps we have over-reacted, let’s give him another chance,” when there might very well not be another chance.
Continued in Chapter 6 – Part 2
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